Why I Think God Would Be A Man

I personally am not a believer in God, Jesus or anything religious. No offence to anyone that is, but I simply don’t believe in what I cannot see. I’m not even sure if I believe in Dinosaurs as I haven’t seen one in real life. Yes there are bones, yes there are things on Television, but who believes half the stuff that is shown on TV nowadays? But I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whatever helps them have the strength to get through life’s rollercoaster ride. Each to their own choices.

If I was to be inclined to believe in God, this is why I believe he would definitely be a man!

Women are the ones who have babies. Yes this is a life changing experience, something you cannot imagine unless you have been through it. Something that unfortunately a lot of families don’t get to go through due to difficulties. But… Why are we the ones who have to have babies? Couldn’t we have shared this duty? Take turns or something? We go through 40 weeks of uncomfortable transformation, and then we have to push this baby out or have it cut out. Yes we get a beautiful baby at the end, but so does he with only a touch of the effort. Then there is the after baby recovery. The walking around like we have sticks up our bums, not being able to sit down properly, the sore boobs, and don’t forget the funky lady days that have been waiting for you for the past 40 weeks!

The peeing issue. Why is it, men are fitted with ‘body parts’ for easy peeing? When out in public men would pee anywhere regardless of what they were equipped with, so why not give it to the lady so we can pee in the bushes easy to. Oh no, give us something that we have to drop our knickers, hoist our skirts up, and get grass tickling our bums. But I mean, oh ladies don’t do that anyways.

 

Lady Days. Every month are you for real? He couldn’t have designed it any better than this? It’s not only that we are out of commission but the pain! Some women have major nasty pains each time of the month. Couldn’t he have made a deal. We have the babies, men have the Lady Days? I mean it is “God” we are talking about; if he is real then surely he could have sorted something a little more even out.

Men and Women are complete opposites. If God was a woman, men would be more inclined to leave the toilet seat down, like to go shopping, help with the washing, sewing, cooking and ironing, would be able to multi-task, wouldn’t fart in public, there wouldn’t be as many gross bugs around, and everything would be completely different. Of course there are some men that are already like the above, but I’m talking about if God was a woman, then 99% of men would be like this.

If God was a woman, then Men would be telepathic. All those little hints or should I say repeated hints, wouldn’t be necessary. He would know we want flowers next Tuesday for our anniversary, and that he needs to get in and fix that fence. He would know that she has had enough for one day and its best he steers clear, or that she really would love company and now’s the time to make his move. There would be no communication problems, none of this “Men are from Mars and Women from Venus”; we would all be from Vemars.

And Last but not least, I think if God was a woman, then all food would be healthy. Women have such crazy body issues; I can’t imagine a female God creating any foods that would make them fat. I know it’s not technically God that makes for example MacDonald’s, but somewhere along the times, that person was given the knowledge to invent that. A woman God would have invented everything that is made to be fat free and healthy but tasting like normal MacDonald’s. There are health conscience men of course, but men don’t seem to have the body issues that women do.

 

Thoughts?